Man, it sure gets tough. I love her to death and wouldn't change her for the world! I LOVE being a mom. It is incredible and full-filling, and is the most amazing thing I've ever done. But it gets hard sometimes. Not being a mom, but being a wife. Between David now working two jobs and me watching Sophia 24/7, we really don't have time for each other anymore. Unfortunately, there's really only two people that I would genuinely trust to watch her the way we would, or I'd try to do more date nights, or even just a day for me. I feel like since becoming a mom, my wifely duties have seriously slacked. I try to keep all the laundry done, but usually it gets washed and dried and half the time either ends up staying in the dryer for a few days because I forget about it, or ends up staying in baskets unfolded because I can't get to putting it away while Sophia is awake, and by the time she's in bed, I just want a few minutes to myself, so I get lazy and sit down and watch Hulu or surf the net.
Don't even get me started on the dishes...dishes have never been my favorite by a long shot. I hate the dishes, but I've been really trying to stay on top of them, both so that we a) have dishes to use, and b) so that my kitchen is not overflowing all over the counter (for the millionth time), and c) so my whole house doesn't start to stink.
As far as cleaning up after Sophia goes...I've basically given up. I clean up randomly throughout the day, and I try to tidy up at night, but she immediately finds it all the next morning and it's once again thrown across the whole room if I'm lucky, but most often throughout the house. And I have so many crafts that I want to do, and I want to sew her all sorts of outfits and whatnot, but there just simply isn't enough time in the night for that to happen. And since I'm with her constantly, it's not like I can just break away and work on it here and there, so it just sits there waiting for me to eventually get to it, but I never do. I have this dress that I want to make her for when we take her to Disney this summer, and I have most of the material and whatnot, and I have the pattern, but I can't work on it after she goes to bed because I think it'll be too loud and will wake her up.
I'm a good mom. Actually, no, I'm a great mom. Like a really really good mom. I know that. I will never question that because I have a happy, healthy, amazing, smart, beautiful child and I know that I am doing right by her. I just wish that I could be both an amazing mom and even a good wife. I'd settle for good. David would never say it, but I honestly wonder if he thinks I'm a bad wife too. If he comes home after working two jobs and sees the house a mess and Sophia asleep and me watching Hulu and wonders why the fuck I can't manage to get the damn house cleaned for once. And I wonder the same thing too. How do other mom's do it? What am I doing wrong? Or am I just spending too much time focusing on my kid that I let the house slide? At what point is that not a good thing? Agh. It's so frustrating.
Saw this title on Adrienne's blog and it intrigued me...
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone. Just about any woman who has been a SAHM, especially a breastfeeding one can relate. It's tough and I felt like 9 months to 22-ish months were the hardest. They are running around and getting into everything but they don't remember rules and going other places is seemingly impossible bc nothing was toddler-proofed enough for my curious climber. Oh, and they know exactly what they want but can't always express it or understand why they can't just do whatever they want.
It gets better. I found shortcuts with house work, cooked easier dinners, I stopped expecting so much out of myself, I donated a ton of toys, Silas got older (aka more independent), and I poured my heart out to my husband.
Just last night, we put on Silas' favorite TV show and set him up with his favorite snack while we sat at the dining room table drinking wine and talking. The supermom in me feels a little bad to let the TV entertain him, but I needed the 20 minutes with Neal.
Hang in there and know that you're not doing anything wrong and you're not alone.
Thank you Rachel. It's so tough sometimes. My saving grace at the moment is the knowledge that in November David will go to his second job full time and lose the first, which will be a normal schedule with weekends off which will also allow for more time with him and as a result, more time to get stuff done. It really does help to hear someone has gone through it too and that I'm not alone. It sure is hard to lower your own standards for yourself though, especially in this society. According to them we should be raising our children, doing all our wifely duties and keeping the house clean, and have a regular job as well, and somehow also find time to craft and have girl's night outs. :/
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