Okay. I know, I know. I'm selfish. Trust me, I'm well aware, but I can't help but feel constantly jealous and upset. It's like everyday someone else I know is getting pregnant. A friend of mine who's been married less than two years is now not only pregnant with her second child, but just found out that she's having twins. I hate feeling like this, I do. But I feel like emotionally I'm falling apart, and it's very discouraging, especially when you feel like nobody else understands. Each night I find myself upset and wanting to cry, and it just keeps getting worse. And I don't know how long I should wait before I just give up, and decide that my body just isn't going to work the way that it's supposed to.
David and I had talked about adopting a while back, but we wanted to adopt AFTER we had at least one of our own. I want the experience. I want to feel that feeling. I guess the other option is IVF, but it's just so expensive. I saw a thing online saying that it runs about $12,500. I suppose I could try and do a fundraiser should we choose to do that, and our insurance may cover some, but who knows. Agh. I hate this feeling. I want to be happy for my family and friends. And I am to some extent, but the biggest thing I feel right now is jealousy and resentment. :/
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