The Results are In..

So after having the 3 hour testing (which consisted of drinking that nasty orange crap again, trying not to throw it up the whole time after fasting for 12+ hours, and getting stuck with a needle 4 times), the results came back positive. I do have gestational diabetes. I am however, a lot less scared/anxious about it than I had been because I was able to meet with the Diabetes Center, and they explained to me what we needed to do to try and control it through diet, and they gave me a glucose tester, and told me to test myself three times a day, and log both the numbers, as well as the foods I eat. Every Monday I send in my numbers, and after my first week of doing it, she told me yesterday that my numbers are looking good. 

In other news, Sophia is quite the active one. She is moving around like crazy. Most of the time I love it, and it makes me happy, but now she's also gotten much bigger, and therefore can now reach my ribs, which is an ENTIRELY different feeling than that of being kicked in the stomach or sides. It's kind of gross feeling actually, and one that I'm not sure I'll actually get used to. 

Also, we are at 29 weeks now, as of yesterday. :) So because of the diabetes, we are anticipating her arrival in 9-11 weeks. :) So excited! 

Testing, Testing, and more Testing...

So Tuesday afternoon I came home early from work feeling really off. I felt dizzy and lightheaded and ridiculously overheated. Something just didn't sit right. I went home around lunch time and was going to try and see the Dr. to get my glucose testing done but they told me I had to wait until 10am Wednesday. Then I got really tired and ended up crashing from 2:30pm-7:00pm, and then again from 11pm-9:45am the next morning. Wednesday morning David and I got up early and he took me to the lab to get the bloodwork done for my glucose testing. This was the 1 hour testing, where they made me fast, and then drink that nasty orange stuff (which really just made me feel like I was going to vomit it all up immediately after) then wait an hour. At which point they pulled three viles of blood from my arm. Me and needles don't mix. I got in the car and the lightheadedness started again. David took me to Village Inn for some lunch since I hadn't been able to eat, and once we got there I had trouble focusing my eyes on things. Almost like moving in slow motion when I looked around. I waited until my sister got home from picking up my brother from school, since David had to go to work, and she brought me to my general practitioner to see what the deal was. They then proceeded to take blood from my other arm, and did a urinalysis. (I forgot to mention the low blood pressure I'd had over the past two days). My blood pressure was again a little low, and they told me that they thought my blood sugar was a little low as well, as well as having a nasty infection. Thursday I again felt crappy. This morning I woke up to my OB calling me saying that the labs from my glucose test came back, and it wasn't great news. My sugars were elevated, and I have to come back in for the 3 hour more inclusive test Monday at 10am, which means that they will take yet again more blood from me. And chances are, based on this, it means I'm cursed with gestational diabetes, which has me super stressed out and anxious. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little freaked out.

27 Week Update:

So we are 27 weeks pregnant now. 

We just signed up to take a childbirth class at the hospital on December 10th that is a full day class. 

In general my health has been good. The nausea has been mostly non-existent now. My lower back has been pretty painful, but I'm not sure whether that is because of Sophia, or if it's because I'm working in an office now, and the desk/chair situation is not entirely the comfiest. 

As of this past Thursday, I am officially 4.5 lbs more than I was pregnancy, with a weigh in at 140 lbs even. 

Tomorrow I go in for my glucose test, which I'm not excited about at all because a) I hate needles, b) I hate mornings, c) I am not feeling good today at all, and it's not looking like it'll get any better soon.

I ended up having to come home early from work today because I started to feel lightheaded, headachy, and really overheated. After finally reaching the lab after almost two hours of trying, and them telling me to come into tomorrow instead, I ended up crashing from like 2:30pm until around 7pm. When I woke up, I still felt incredibly drained, and really weak. The headache was gone though, which was good. Then about an hour or so ago, I started feeling nauseas again. I took one of my pills a few minutes ago, and am hoping that it'll settle me down a bit. I also checked my blood pressure a few hours ago and it was 101/74, which from understanding is a little bit low, but hopefully we can figure out more tomorrow. I'd initially planned to go back to work tomorrow, but now I'm not sure what's going to happen if I still end up feeling like this tomorrow. :( So here's to hoping that I get better soon from whatever this is. It's not fun.

Movin' and a Shakin'..

We are 25 weeks tomorrow, and man is she moving! Lastnight she kicked and bounced for longer than she's ever done before. It was really cute, because I lifted my shirt, and David was physically able to see her moving around. I tried to get video of it, but the lighting wasn't good enough to see anything other than shadows. 

As far as symptoms go, the nausea is almost gone completely. Now once every two weeks I'll need to take a pill, but otherwise I've felt pretty good. I've finally started gaining weight and am now 4.4 lbs higher than my pre-pregnancy weight. I've had some minor back pain but that's really about it, other than getting tired more easily again, and my feet hurting a bit if I stand for too long (10-15 mins tops). 

This coming Saturday is my baby shower and I'm so excited! I can't wait to see everyone, and be able to find out what we'll still need and what we don't. Clothes at this point for the most part are pretty much covered. David and I along with his mom and two sisters went garage saling this past weekend, and we got a bunch more cheap, cute clothes, some brand new drop in bottles, new maternity clothes, and a few other things. We were also able to get a crib that we can take the hardware from, because David is making our crib and changing table. :) It's looking great so far! I can't wait to see the finished project, and I'm so proud of him!

Also, we had our "First stages of labor" class last Thursday, and apparently this month starts the rounds of checkups every two weeks. So we go back not this Thursday, but the following Thursday for our 26 week checkup. I can't wait. One of the couples in our group mentioned that they got their 3D ultrasound done in Orlando for only $50 (verses the $150 that the Dr.'s office wants for it). And that they got 20-40 images on a disk with rights to print them. So I told David that I'm thinking that that would be a great 5 year anniversary present to me. Haha. So we'll see how it goes. :)

Oh Sophia...

You have no idea how much mommy loves you already, and how badly I want you to be here. I can feel you moving around each night, trying to get comfortable. And it kills me a little bit to see all of these beautiful little ones that belong to friends and family, and not have you here yet to cuddle and kiss. I know that it's selfish, and I know just how blessed I am to even get the chance to see you and meet you in a couple of months. I was so afraid that that day would never come, and now I know that it will. Every day I love you more and more, and can't wait to welcome you into this world with open arms.

20 Week Update:

It seems as though (knock on wood) that the nausea is finally settling. If I get up much earlier than I am used to, then it's still a bit uneasy initially, but eases up after I eat some rye bread, and drink some hot tea. My lower back has been a bit sore, mostly at night as I'm getting ready to go to bed, but luckily we bought a cheap heating pad that seems to help. I've got a little bit of the waddle going, because I'm getting to be huge. I'm finally able to really eat again, which is nice. I still am not drinking as much as I should, but now that I've discovered Crystal Light's Raspberry Lemonade, it's helped me significantly. I've been trying to take walks once a night when I'm feeling up to it with my mom and dad around the neighborhood. I'm definitely feeling overheated much easier. I feel like I'm hot all the time, which is exhausting. And my feet have been killing me anytime I stand barefoot for more than 10 minutes on the tile, or other hard surface. And in great news, I finally got to feel her! I've felt her twice now and it's really neat. I can't wait until it gets to be more frequent and strengthen so that David can feel it too. :) We go back on Thursday for our 20 week checkup and our next class which is supposed to cover feeding. I can't wait for my little Sophia to get here. I'm so excited! It really is amazing.

It's Official!

So David and I, as well as my mom and Naner came with us for our 19 week ultrasound yesterday, in hopes of finding out what our baby is going to be. It was really neat, because the baby is so much bigger now, and was super active! Moving around like crazy, and kept putting it's head in my belly button to hide when the tech tried to take measurements. Apparently they'd had it in their computer that my due date was Feb. 4, despite having been initially told that it was Jan. 31, but she said that according to the measurements and growth, that I am in fact due Jan. 30. So very close! :) 

Yesterday was rough because they I had to get up so much earlier and they wanted me to drink 32 oz. of water (which not pregnant would have made me sick) an hour before going in, but combine me trying to drink that much, with getting up super early, and having run out of my pills a few days before, it did not make for fun times, and I ended up getting sick halfway into the ultrasound, and once again after at David's parents' house. 

But in good news, our baby was not shy and we were able to get a visual!!! So the wait is over...we are officially going to have a baby GIRL!! And her name is Sophia Harmony Pocock!

Afterwards we went out for celebratory lunch at Olive Garden. All in all, a pretty good, exciting day!

Woo Hoo!

Tomorrow's the big day!!

Changes..

So as soon as I say there's been no real changes, the past two days have been a little off. I've felt very drained and exhausted again, which I hadn't been feeling really since the first trimester. And my stomach has been feeling strange. Not like I need to throw up kind of feeling, but just uncomfortable feeling. And I've been having random sharp pains in my right breast, and light cramps in my sides. Nothing too serious, just different and uncomfortable. 

In other news, just one more week left!

18 Weeks:

Today we are 18 weeks pregnant, and our baby looks more and more like a little human. I'm still having a little bit of the nausea, although I'm still on the pills, so it's not nearly as bad. It seems to maybe be finally simmering down though. I've had a few days this week where I either didn't end up needing to take the pills, or only ended up needing to take one towards the end of the day. Today I woke up not feeling so hot, but ate a few crackers and drank a cup on (decaf) hot tea, and I seem to be alright now. 

Haven't really had any serious cravings, outside of really really wanting some soup, salad and breadsticks with alfredo dipping sauce from Olive Garden for the past few months, but even that was normal for me without being pregnant. Haha.

I went ahead and ordered two sweaters this week from Motherhood Maternity in preparation for fall, which man do I wish would hurry up and get here. There were two others that I really wanted, but my size was already sold out, so I went ahead and ordered these two:

because they were already on sale to begin with, and then for this week and next week only, an additional 40% off, so I figured it'd be smart to start getting these things that I know I'll need while it's cheap instead of waiting until fall gets here, and they go back to their original price of $35-$40. 

As far as other symptoms go, I've now started to experience the lower back pain over these past few days, and am realizing that I may not be able to stay on my feet as long I'd been able to before, because I stood at the sink lastnight doing two loads of dishes and my feet were screaming at me. My breasts are still tender, but other than that, no big new symptoms. My belly on the other hand just keeps getting bigger and bigger. :)

In good news, we are now just 9 days away from our next ultrasound, and getting to find out if we'll be bringing a new little girl or little boy into this world. I can't wait, and it won't get here fast enough!

Start Of Classes..

Today David and I went to the Dr. for my 16 week checkup. They did the basic checkup, and we got to hear the heartbeat again (well I did, he was too busy talking to hear it). We also started our free classes that are offered to us, where we get to meet with a small group of other ladies/couples that are due around the same time. It was really nice. I know of two of them, and it went really well I think. As we got ready to leave, I wanted to verify with the front desk that I am in fact scheduled for my ultrasound next month like they'd said. As it turns out, the 15th is just the next class/normal 20 week checkup, and I didn't have my ultrasound set up. So here I am anxious thinking that since I didn't get it done earlier that now it'd be later before I'd get to have it done. Low and behold, it's a week earlier! So I go back on the 8th for my ultrasound, and should (most likely) find out the gender! So freaking excited! 

Afterwards we headed to Dave's for some hot dogs with our Canadian friend who is in town. It was nice to get to spend a little bit of time with him before he heads back next week. That, and really? What's better than a nacho dog? Then we had to stop at the lab to get my blood taken (3! vials) in order to do the prescreening test thing that they do. So here's hoping for the best!

Also, mom and I have been working on our registries since Renee is trying to get everything started for the baby shower that they want to do in October. So I've been hunting around, and talking with mom's to find out what are the things that I'll actually need verses just things that we want, and I think I've got a pretty good list going. I think it's just about done, but I figure I'll wait to post them until we know gender just in case there's anything gender specific we want to throw in there. :)

And finally, because several folks on Facebook kept asking for a pic of the baby bump so far, here it is.

Update:

So I am now a little over 15 weeks along, and finally into my second trimester. The nausea is thankfully slowing down, although today was an off day. And I've been lucky so far to not have any of the crazy cravings or the rollercoaster of emotions, but it appears that my luck may be coming to an end. Today has been just an all around not great day. I woke up feeling sick to another crappy day of dreary, wet weather. Then on the way to my parents' house, I felt the need to cry for no apparent reason. And have just been feeling all around down. I'm attempting to break the funk though, by cooking dinner (roasted lemon garlic shrimp and pasta) and got stuff to make dessert tomorrow (blueberry banana pie). 

Next week we go back for my 16 week checkup, and begin our classes. The first one is supposed to be about nutrition and exercise. So fingers are crossed that all goes well.

12 Week Update:

So David and I went to the Dr.'s again on Monday for my 12 week check-up. While we unfortunately didn't get to have another ultrasound done, they did do the doppler, so we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time, which was..well in all honesty, weird. I didn't cry or anything. It was definitely neat, and I appreciate it, don't get me wrong. I guess I just feel a little sad that it didn't move me terribly like I always imagined that it would. :/

And I asked about the tightness when I'm laying on my sides, and she said that that was perfectly normal, and suggested that I get one of the pregnancy pillows, which would make it more comfortable for me. So I'll have to look into getting one of those. Not sure how expensive they are, but hopefully not terribly so.

Sadly, I was made aware that we would not be having another ultrasound at the next appointment (Aug. 18) which will be 16 weeks, which I was really hoping for to try and see if we could tell the sex yet. So it will be when we're at the 20 week mark that they will do the next, and we should be able to tell. 

The good news is, I've almost completed the first trimester. Only 2/3 + a few days more to go! :)

Also, at this point, still waiting to hear back from Medicaid, which I'm praying will be approved soon. $340 per visit is just too much to do right now, especially combined with the $50+ for my meds. :( So here's to hoping it goes through quickly.

Tightness..

So I'm not sure what it is, and it doesn't hurt, just feels odd, but at night now, when I go to lay on my side, I feel a slight tightness, or pulling sensation in my stomach. It doesn't hurt, but it's strange. Not sure if that's normal or not, but I will ask the Dr. about it, unless I hear confirming things on here, on Monday when I go in for my 12 week check-up. :) Hopefully I'll have a new sonogram picture to show everyone. I am definitely very excited. Almost done with the first trimester already. Craziness.

Slipping..

The past week or two I've been slipping into even more exhaustion, nausea, and an emotional downward rollercoaster. The other night I just couldn't stop crying, and I've been feeling really lonely. Renee has her boyfriend, and that's where she spends most of her time, and David has had a lot going on, and has been busy, which doesn't leave me with much quality time with anyone really. And with this whole pregnancy thing, and all of the changing hormones, it's getting to be a little hard. I need to find something to keep me busy, to get my mind off of things. I want to work on some more crocheting patterns, but unfortunately still need someone to show me how to do the different stitches the first time because I still don't understand how to read the stupid things. Luckily I found two patterns for afghans that I like, that seem relatively simple, so I'm hoping that I can get with Marj one of these days to get one started, and given the size, it should probably keep me busy for at least a little while.

Timing Is Everything..

Haha, seriously, the timing of the e-mail I just got from WhatToExpect could not possibly have been better. I was just getting on here to complain about (again, may be TMI for most, so leave now or forever hold your peace) my newest annoying symptom that decided to start plaguing me a few days ago, and apparently has returned to haunt me again tonight...constipation. This is a feeling that I've never really experienced before, and I have to say that it is not a very pleasant one. I take my vitamins every day, but I guess that's no longer going to be enough. I will have to load up on raisin bran and broccoli and whatever else carries lots of fiber. Agh. So what is the subject of said e-mail? "Cures for Constipation." Haha. It's like they knew! 

In other news, David's mom was kind enough to take me shopping today, and get me some new maternity clothes since I'm starting to show already and my jeans are only wearable if they are unbuttoned and half unzipped. We had a nice bonding time, (side from me throwing up in the car on the way there. thank god I brought doubled plastic bags, and being very tired). We ended up doing a lot better than I thought we would, and I had only planned on trying to find a pair or two of bottoms, and ended up with two bottoms and 9 shirts. All in all, a good day. :)

Sleeplessness..

Okay, this is just getting weird now. I don't know if this has anything to do with being pregnant, or just random coincidence, but lastnight I just could not get tired for the life of me. I finally gave up at 8am this morning, and decided to try and sleep. So I layed down, closed my eyes and stayed that way until 1:15pm this afternoon, with not an ounce of sleep. And here we are almost 4am the next morning, and I'm still just not tired. It doesn't make sense. I took an hour nap earlier this evening and that was it, and I just don't get why I'm not tired at all. I don't know if that's something to be concerned about or not. Eh.

Random Pain..?

So lastnight when I was laying on the couch, I had a very quick, random sharp pain, that only lasted maybe a second, but lower down towards my vagina. It was really weird. And it happened twice, about 30 minutes apart. It's got me just a little bit nervous, but I haven't had any other pain anywhere else, other than my normal back soreness, and breast tenderness, and have had no spotting or bleeding. I'm trying to take it easy and just hang on the couch, watching movies and whatnot at my parents. 

I'll apparently also getting to be a little more visibly larger. Not a whole lot, but my parents have both mentioned it. Tomorrow will 9 weeks. Three more weeks until my next appointment. I know I'm being stupid, but man I wish I had one each week just to check up and be sure everything continues going smoothly, but realize that's completely unrealistic.

Minor Concerns..And A Plus..

So once again, before I begin, probably too much information, but as I said, I plan to document everything that I go through with this pregnancy.

The good news is, that I tried the pills today for the first time (which I guess they also give chemo patients), and thankfully, it was flavored, because it's one that you dissolve on your tongue, and I kid you not, I sat down, took the pill, started to eat one of those pretzels you get from the mall, got halfway through, and my nausea was gone for the rest of the day. It is a very quick and very effective worker. Thank god for that. On the down side, the whole of this evening, I've been feeling really gassy and have had a little bit of a headache.

As for my minor concerns, one is that almost every night now, my body feels anxious. I'm not under a lot of stress, and I don't feel mentally anxious about anything, but almost every night, my heart starts racing, and it makes me uncomfortable. 

Also, tonight I noticed that my Montgomery glands have gotten significantly larger, and I wasn't sure if that was normal, or good or bad, or what. I looked it up though, and they said that that is normal during pregnancy. So I guess that's good.

8 Weeks!

In good news (still not trying to get too excited) I've made it to 8 weeks! Today, David and I went to our 8 weeks Dr.'s appointment, and had another sonogram! Only this time instead of being a super tiny little black spot of a sac, it was, a kidney bean! lol. j/k. But you could actually see the baby, as see it's little heartbeat. It was insane. I also got the Dr. to write me a script for the meds that were suggested to me, so hopefully those will work. :) I go back for my next appointment on the 18th of next month and then will start taking monthly classes that are covered by my insurance, which meets as a group with other women that are due around the same time, so that I can hopefully make new friends and meet others that are going through the same things at the same time. A downside is that I found out that our family won't be able to make our Canada trip in December like we'd planned because I can't travel after December 20th, but it's okay. We're going to try and do spring break instead since the kids will be out of school, and I'll have a new baby to show off! 

I Feel Terrible..

This nausea is horrible. Once a day I actually throw something up, and 80% of the rest of the time I just feel awful, like I need to throw up but can't. This is not a fun feeling at all. When I go back on the 20th, I'll be asking the Dr. about a prescription that was suggested to me by some friends. I just feel so gross Bleh.

Oh My..

Nausea at it's finest. I am definitely not looking forward to this. The good news is that it's like just being sick, and once you throw up, you finally feel better.

Update:

I got ahold of the nurse today to check up and see if they got the results of my bloodtest. She said everything looks good. That when I went in on the 25th, that my HCG levels were 416, and this past Wednesday when I went back, they were 6000+, so that's a big relief to know that our baby is still currently healthily growing. :) And based off things that I've read, it's heartbeat should be starting this week, now that I'm 6 weeks along.

hCG levels during pregnancy (in weeks since last menstrual period)
3 weeks LMP	5 - 50 mIU/ml
4 weeks LMP	5 - 426 mIU/ml
5 weeks LMP	18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
6 weeks LMP	1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
7 - 8 weeks LMP	7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
9 - 12 weeks LMP	25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
13 - 16 weeks LMP	13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
17 - 24 weeks LMP	4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
25 - 40 weeks LMP	3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
non pregnant	55-200 ng/ml

Oh Wow..

They weren't kidding when they talk about tenderness in your breasts. I've never experienced this before, but my, oh, my. Yesterday it was just the right side of my right breast that hurt just a little bit. Today, well moreso this evening, they hurt quite a bit and are very tender to the touch. I've heard to wear sports bras to bed which is what I'm doing, but even that hurts to try and struggle to get it on. If this is insight into what the next 8 months will be like, I'm worried. :/ Luckily, it'll all be worth it in the end.

More Testing..

So I got ahold of the Dr. today, and as I suspected, he wants me to go get more blood tests done tomorrow to check my hormone levels, just to make sure that they are increasing instead of decreasing. The bleeding has still been super minimal, and I haven't had any cramps the past two days, which is good. So I'm hoping that this is just normal cramping and spotting that has happened, and that so far, we are still good to go. In other news, I guess this is what they mean by breast tenderness. I've never felt this before, but as of today, my right breast feels almost bruised, as if someone punched it. It doesn't hurt if I don't mess with it, but if you touch it, it hurts. Fun. Also, as of today, I am 5 weeks pregnant.

Not Just Yet..

I'm trying not to get too excited or starting to relax yet, but the little bit of cramping that I did have today subsided, and I've still only had just a tiny bit of dried blood spotting. No severe cramps or heavy bleeding, which is good already, but I realize that could change at any moment. All I can ask if for your prayers that everything stays well, and that this baby is a fighter.

So Stressed Out..

Yesterday was a super stressful day, which had my anxiety really up. I always hear the horror stories of don't get stressed out because it can cause miscarriages, and just thinking about it stresses me out more. I realize that miscarriages are common, but I really don't want that to happen. Then this morning, I went to the bathroom, and was spotting every so slightly, which according to What To Expect When You're Expecting unless it's a lot of blood and includes severe cramping, which I haven't had, that it's likely to be nothing and is also very common, but it still has me freaked out. :(

Scary And Exciting..

Today I had my first Dr.'s appointment. They did some blood work (5 viles worth of blood), did a pelvic exam, and did my first ultrasound. :) Based on what we can figure, it looks like I'm about 4.5 weeks pregnant. Going to the Dr. was both scary and exciting. Exciting for obvious reasons, a little scary just because I was on my own, but I'll survive. My next appointment is the 20th, when I'm at 8 weeks and hopefully will be able to hear a heartbeat then, assuming I make it that far. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, I just know that a lot of people have miscarriages at first, and want to be prepared regardless. But the good news is, it's all a step in the right direction for now. Right now I'm ridiculously tired because I only got in about 3.5 hours of sleep lastnight before I had to get up for the appointment. So I think I'm going to finish watching Glee, and then go take a nap for a little while, now that I've eaten something.

Already?

Well, I don't really know how far I'm supposed to be, because I don't really understand how the weeks are counted, but I'm already peeing like crazy, and my back is killing me. Agh.

And Another..

So to play it safe since everyone was pessimistic, I took another test to see if maybe it was a false positive. The second test also showed as positive. So if it is a false positive, it's two of them. But I'll check again Monday or Tuesday, and give it a few days and try one more time. Or I'll call my Dr. on Monday and see what he says to do. It he wants me to wait and take another or if he wants me to come in to do a blood test or what. We'll see.

Say What?

So I've been still tracking everything, and I'd taken the ovulation test as I'd mentioned. For some reason, tonight I came home, and felt like I should take a test. And I took the digital pregnancy test, and by the grace of God, it said "pregnant." I am trying not to get too excited because I know that things can happen, but my fingers are crossed, and I'm really hoping this is not a false positive.

Could Be Better..

I don't know if it's the hormones, or the stress, or the weather or what, but I'm having a pretty down day today. It started alright this morning, but as the mid-late afternoon rolled in, I just started to feel depressed. It's been just a sad, crappy feeling day, and it only stresses me out more.

Potential Good News..

So I've been tracking my temps via http://www.myfertilitycharts.com/, and as of this past few days, my temps have gone higher, and according to this, I'm in my prime fertileness. But just to be more sure, I went to Walmart this evening, and picked up some ovulation tests. I just took one, and it says that based on my results that within the next 24-48 hours I will be ovulating. I'm trying not to get too excited just in case, but it sounds like it may actually, finally be happening. My fingers are definitely crossed.

Probably TMI But...

The past few days I've noticed a clearish gooey discharge that I don't normally have. I thought it was kind of strange. I know I don't have any infections or diseases or anything, but it had be curious, so I just looked it up and found this. Apparently that discharge is a created as a result of soon to be ovulation, a few days prior in order to keep the sperm alive longer. 

So without getting too excited, maybe this is good, because maybe it means that the pills in fact are working, that it just took longer for my body to process than the Dr. had initially thought. I've been keeping track of my temp, and it hasn't increased at all yet, but while I was going to start my next round of pills tomorrow, maybe I'll hold off another 5 days and continue to monitor my temp to see if there are any changes in the next few days, and see if I do in fact start ovulating. 

Here's to hoping.

The Green Monster..

Okay. I know, I know. I'm selfish. Trust me, I'm well aware, but I can't help but feel constantly jealous and upset. It's like everyday someone else I know is getting pregnant. A friend of mine who's been married less than two years is now not only pregnant with her second child, but just found out that she's having twins. I hate feeling like this, I do. But I feel like emotionally I'm falling apart, and it's very discouraging, especially when you feel like nobody else understands. Each night I find myself upset and wanting to cry, and it just keeps getting worse. And I don't know how long I should wait before I just give up, and decide that my body just isn't going to work the way that it's supposed to.

David and I had talked about adopting a while back, but we wanted to adopt AFTER we had at least one of our own. I want the experience. I want to feel that feeling. I guess the other option is IVF, but it's just so expensive. I saw a thing online saying that it runs about $12,500. I suppose I could try and do a fundraiser should we choose to do that, and our insurance may cover some, but who knows. Agh. I hate this feeling. I want to be happy for my family and friends. And I am to some extent, but the biggest thing I feel right now is jealousy and resentment. :/

Introduction..

First let me start by introducing myself. My name is Erin, and I am 26 years old. My husband David and I have been married for 5 years this year, and decided back in May of last year that it was time for us to start trying to have a baby. When I was young, I was irregular, so I began taking birth control pills at the early age of 15, and have been on them every since, until this past June. Unfortunately, because of having been on the pill for so long, my body stopped producing the proper hormones. 

December came, and I still had not menstruating or ovulating again. In January, I saw the Dr., and he began me on Progesterone pills. I immediately got my first period since June, but then nothing came again for two months. I went back in March, and he decided to give me three months of progesterone and clomid to try and jump start my own hormones again. I have now completed two rounds of progesterone and one round clomid, and still nothing, and it's now been 11 months since I've been off of the pill. As of next week, I will begin yet another round of the hormones in hopes of getting my body to begin working again.

This has been a very emotionally draining process, and I can only imagine that it will continue to get worse in that manner as these next two months pass. But I wanted to share my journey with you, as both a way to let you in on my experience, as well as an outlet for the things that I am going through. 

There are a lot of things that I am feeling right now. Such as frustration with myself for my body not cooperating with the medications. Fear for if these medications simply do not begin working. Fear of the what it will cost me to attempt IVF should this not work. Sadness that I tried to do everything right and in the right order, and am having so much trouble. Jealously of those that have no trouble at all, and get to feel the happiness, love, and joy of being pregnant. 

This is my journey, and I welcome you to join me on it.